look, I'm a gardener!

These are green beans I just picked out of my garden. They are huge and still lots of little ones on the vine. :)

Last night I made spaghetti using all our ripe tomatoes, along with some oregeno from the garden. I chopped up onions and garlic and did the whole martha stewart deal, rolled turkey meatballs out by hand. Who woulda thought?

We leave for our cruise in 4 days!! Kristofer is at camp until Thursday, wrapping up the end of his hectic summer. I have too many balls to juggle as usual, but all is ok in the world.

xxoo to all of you,
melanie

another giant pine



and an adorable black lab :)


so much puppy energy!!


but so dern cute. :)

49, a fern, i like this one because it looks exactly like the fake stuff they sell at the craft store. ;)


50. this is also sort of magical looking, these tiny clumps of furry flowers....


51.some sort of vine


52. One of the giant pines in my backyard. From what I can gather, there were woody vines climbing up this and the owners were told that the vines would damage the tree, so they hacked them off, but only removed the woody vines from about 8 feet down (didn't want to climb the tree I guess.) so there are all these crazy woody tentacles hanging from the tree.

45. fern below, but this thing above it has soft bushy hairs that look like baby fireworks. What is that?



46. awful picture, but this has hard green balls and little purple flowers with points petals


47. bamboo I assume


28. is this some sort of palm?

41. not sure. this is large bush/tree like (identified by Jenny as Azalea)


42. This is more bush/plant like, with very pretty smallish pink flowers


43. Here's more of the killer spiky vine, in the back yard this time


44. I think these are quite beautiful. I don't know what they are called. They are on tall stiff stalks. (did some internet surfing... maybe thistle?)

37. hedge-y thing. do hedges have names?


38. i don't know what this is


39. this is a bad picture, but there are tiny little pinecone type things on this


40. there are big purple cone shaped flower things on this unknown bush

33. this is an awful vine with very very sharp thorns. I hate it, sometimes it really grows fast. I try to cut it out/kill it. It comes back. What is this evil thing? It does not even reward me with flowers.


34. these are bearded irises I think... (of course, flowers only in spring)


35.not sure what this is.


36. this is the bottom of the plant above. think woody vines.

29. Now this is the most pathetic breed of pines I have ever seen. It has no real form, and when it gets tall enough it grows up on to the roof and just lays there. I don't get it. I told Todd to tear it out but he doesn't want to because it's hiding the even uglier electric box. What is it?


30. Another unknown. This is in a group of medium-sized tallish (5 feet) plants. Not really a tree, more of a bush.


31. another unknown.


32. What are these things called? Stick-like with the feathery things at the end.

25. Someone told me what this was once, and I don't remember. Some sory of oak?


26. This is a crazy vine that grows over the porch near our front door. It rains beautiful tiny white flowers. I hack away at it when it gets too big, sometimes in a way that I am sure it will never come back, but it always does. What is it called?


27. grape vines, i thought I removed these completely last year, but clearly not, as they are everywhere again this summer. No grapes yet.


28. hydrangea? i think

21. another weed of some sort


22. I think this is lovely and interesting. I don't have any idea what it is. Do you?


23. Japanese Maple (this thing is huge and changes lots of colors all year)


24. pretty sure this is a cherry blossom tree

17. cucumber! this is pretty exciting, we've eaten several. Kristofer is a cucumber nut.


18. roma tomatoes, not red yet


19. this is a weed of some sort, I am pretty sure. what is its name? It has big fan-like leaves.


20. Some sort of seagrass colored grassy-bush?

13. oregano


14. Sage


15. iris (blooms in spring)


16. extra triple curled parsley (whatever that means)

more cataloging...

9. tomatoes (1oo something...)



10. a single surviving cornstalk


11. chives


12. basil

more cataloging...

5. artichokes (not producing)


6. lettuce


7. more lettuce


8. pepper (not producing)

cataloging my yard

So I have never been a green thumb. I've never really planted anything, except the bean in 3rd grade that we soaked between those funky brown paper towls from the bathroom and then planted in tiny dixie cups. Or once the potato with toothpicks holding it one side down in the water. But since then, nothing. So this summer I planted my first ever garden, mostly all from seed, and I am amazed that the stuff has come out of the ground. It's a miracle, the whole concept, food growing from these tiny little seeds. It at once amazes and delights me. I am picking cherry tomatoes off the bush as fast as they grow, plopping them straight away in to my mouth while they are still warm from the sun. I am forever trying to push away the sunflowers that have (to my surprise) shot up about 8 feet straight in to the air and are shielding the sun from my cucumbers and beans.

Anyway, now I am on a mission to figure out what all these green things are in my yard. Besides the vegetables, these were here when we moved in and get very little maintenence from me. Can you help me identify the things that are still strangers to me?

1. giant sunflowers with giant leaves and stalks, but no flowers. (where are the flowers???)



2. pole beans


3. strawberries


4. green califlour (not producing, prob too close together)

mom

100_5265
Originally uploaded by melaniesage

I can't believe it's been a year...

my sweeties

my 14yo son Kristofer
and my niece Rain
on Thanksgiving

We are all holding in through the holidays, although it is different and difficult without my mom here, she's like the glue that keeps everyone together. Sometimes I forget, and it dawns on me as I am thinking about how I should tell her about something I saw that I know she would like... and it's sad and unfair all over again.

I have been keeping myself busy, working too many hours, teaching, volunteering...
my sister got a new dog...
my dad is getting a new engine put in his truck.

Trying to put only good things out into the universe. Think happy thoughts.

Hope all my friends are well and that the New Year will bring joyful things.

Today I took a photo class with my dear friend Joss. We both have the same cameras, so we took a continuing ed class as the local college that was just for learning how to use our make and model (Canon Rebel xti). I retained a tiny part of what we learned today, but it was fun. Of the highlights, I learned how to use settings that allow more light in to the photo so I don't have to use flash. I practiced my new skills with appature settings and F-stops on my most willing victim, Haley the Cat. The top picture is the old way--- everything on "auto" settings, which means bright flash that blinds the poor kitty kitty. The photo below is taken in the same dark room, but the AV is set a little higher, and the flash is OFF, the camera on program mode... so, the auto focus buzz is interesting to Haley, and no flash so she gets to keep her eyes open! :) Yay!

new tribute stamps

I made these rubber stamps in honor of my mom. The two stamps on the bottom are photos of her. They are for sale at my website, www.melaniesage.com/special.html. (It looks slightly squished at the website on my monitor... it is not!)

I am not currently on any rubber stamp lists, and I am only selling two sheets of stamps (this and one other) to the public at this time, so if you can help me get the word out by posting this info to lists or groups you are on, I would appreciate it. I am just having 100 sheets of this stamp pressed. I will remove it from my website when it is gone. The sheet is $15.

stuff I've made lately

I have been slow(er than usual) to post anything to my blog lately because all the recent blog stuff is about mom, and I don't want those posts to drift down, as if it is disrespectful to her memory. But I don't want to abandon my blog either, and making art makes me closer to her spirit. I just want all of you who have sent nice notes and posted blog responses here to know how much it has meant to me, I am still getting emails now and then with a PS attached about mom. It makes me sad and happy. I can't explain. There is definately a hole in my life. And I have to remind myself of the saying "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." There is only such a hole because she was such a tremendous person.

Today I took the Plaster Architecture class at Art and Soul. It was really great. I made the plaster house (3rd from left) pictured here. Good enough, but I learned great technique. Stephanie Lee was a kind teacher. I have lots of bouncing points for ideas, and was especially thrilled to learn how to make plaster molds.

These are other things I've done lately... the painting I did several months ago in a class at Gretchin's Scarlet Star Studio. The stuffed animal is one I've made for a friend's baby... one of many strange creatures I've made lately. The doll is made from a roll of toilet paper, and is paper mache- my friend Kate taught me how to make her.

Sometimes I feel very lonely, but am pretty lucky to have some pretty incredible artists and art in my life. It can really be a saving grace.

Hope everyone is well,
me

a journal page from mom

dis14
Originally uploaded by melaniesage

So much sunshine... doesn't this say it all?

This is one of mom's recent journal pages.

our memorial

Today we had our memorial celebration. It was lovely and mom would have loved it. I was really touched as I looked around at all the people in the room who considered my mother a second mom. It was so easy to feel this way in her home.

I put together a 24-page memorial zine, and it came out quite beautiful. Here are the friends and family assembling it in the art room.

We kept adding things to the shrine. If you are among the kind people who contributed to the flowers/donations Zanna was collecting, you'll see your flowers here in this picture. The extra money will be split between the cremation fees and the Village Free School non-profit.

During the celebration, we had our guests write notes on pieces of paper and tie them to helium balloons... many messages of love sent out to the universe. Seconds after we did this, a faint but clear rainbow appeared in the perfectly clear sky overhead. Coincidence? You decide. (can you see it in the middle of the picture, right above the tree line?)

Vickie's altar

Thank you for the sweet cards and beautiful art that you've been sending. We added a shelf above the fireplace yesterday and have decorated with bright and beautiful colors that are coming in the mail. We love the tissue paper banner that Chris Peacock sent, mom would love all of this.

We have received cards and art from Ruth in AZ, Melody in CA, Marva in CO, Chris in CA, Sheri in CO, Mai-Liis in TX, Linda in NM, Rita in MI, Coleen in CA, Stephanie in CA, Kristy in CA, Larry and Terri in IL, Pam in WA, Cynthia in UT, Katie in NY, Barbara in CA, Chris in NC. Also from family and friends Geneva in CA and Robert and Joyce in KS. The Artists of the Round Table, one of mom's online groups, sent a lovely Ficus that arrived today. Many thanks to all of you.

Mom stuff... donations, cards, flowers

Some have contacted asking about memorial donations in my mother's name. I appreciate your desire to contribute as an honor to her life. First, please read the message a few posts below- we would love to have a piece of commemorative art to add to our current display and to later add to our scrapbooks.

If you were on a group or list with her and would like to contribute to flowers, please contact her good friend Zanna, who has kindly organized a collection. Her email address and paypal ID is mrsxanadu@verizon.net. Zanna asked about what to do with extra money that is collected, if there is any, and I have asked that half be offered to my dad to cover his burial expenses (my mom was uninsureable because of health conditions), and half be donated to the non-profit Village Free School. This is a wonderful school that my son attends. He has always struggled in school and has found a lovely home here, and my mom was so grateful. She had a monthly donation by debit card that went to the school, and was a real supporter of this alternative form of education. (See http://www.villagefreeschool.org/ for more info.

If you would like to make a donation directly to the Village Free School in her honor, please go to the school's website and send along a message with your donation. These donations are tax-deductible. You can set up a monthly draft for as little as $2 or make a one-time donation in mom's honor.

Thank you for all your well wishes and kind thoughts.

I close with some pictures that my niece Rain has been making for her grandma. See the Grandma with Frida picture on the bottom. Rain learned to be an artist from her grandma.

sincerly,

Melanie

our tribute

We have decorated the fireplace in the living room with mom's Frida art collection- several pieces she made, several that I've made for her in the last several years, and several she's got from other artists. Since I took this photo, my 6yo niece has made several drawings and left them on the foot of the fireplace. I will take the art sent for her that we receive and add it to the fireplace. I am also printing out the notes posted here on blogger and setting them there so all who come can read about how many people were touched by her.

We plan to have our celebration next Saturday, the 25th. It was the day her art group was to have its monthly meeting. They always met at her house.

I will post another picture of our fireplace shrine to mom next week.

Melanie

My mother's last piece of art

I have spent hours online reading messages and emails from my mom. It brings me so much comfort to see the number of people who felt her presence and considered their lives better because of her.

This is the last thing she did on the day before she died. She spent all day making art. She used the image of Frida in her painful corset brace and put wings on her. I think it is telling. Please share this photo with the groups that she participated in.

Vickie Enkoff update

Short version:
Mom (Vickie Enkoff) died about 1 pm today, Aug 17, 2007. She went swiftly surrounded by her family. She asked us not to have a funeral- she wants only a celebration at the house. We would love to decorate the house with art from you that celebrates her life. Please send to Grady Enkoff, 14961 Valencia Ave, Fontana, CA 92335


Long version:

Dear friends,

As you have heard, my mother passed away today at about 1pm. She had been fighting with a muscle disease, polymyositis, for many years and had been in a wheel chair for about 4. Many people didn’t know this, because she did more stuff than the average person… running a business, moderating several yahoo groups, participating in lots of swaps, and acting as a mentor and friend to many people. The internet was a real community for her, and changed her life. The people she communicated with changed her life. I know she was a bright spot in many of yours, too.

Last night while getting in to bed, mom started having a hard time breathing. She told my dad to call 911, and told him she was going to die. She stopped breathing, and they did not get her breathing again until she got to the hospital 20 minutes later- a long oxygen deprivation. I flew in from Portland, OR, at 6am, and got to the hospital at 9. My sister, dad, aunt, uncle, and other friends stood around her bed and held her hands as her heart came to a slow stop at about 1pm today.

For a long time, her body has not kept up with her brain. She had recently decided to sell the stamp company, wanting to focus more time on writing and less on manufacturing. She made and sold zine, stamps, and other supplies. She built relationships with her customers and mentored other business owners, shared info generously.

Mom had a Masters in Psychology, worked in child protection many years, ran the stamp business for many. She is adored by her grandchildren. Kristofer, my 13yo son had a trip planned to come see her next week- I offered to have him come during my planned trip to CA next month, and he refused, saying he didn’t want to share her with me- they would read long science fiction novels together, and she smothered him with attention. Rain, my 6yo niece, has known she was an artist since she was 2, mostly because of her own box of art supplies stashed in mom’s art room, her own bound journals, and frequent art dates with my mom.

We are heartbroken, but also honoring mom’s request to celebrate her life. She did not want a funeral, wanted us only to have a party at the house. We want to decorate this party with art that celebrates her life. Please send your art to the address above.

We’d also like to keep the memorial wishes all in one place. Already I’ve printed out 12 pages of emails from those with warm thoughts. Please post condolence comments to my blog so I can share them with my family:

You can send flowers, and we’d appreciate that, but your art even more so.

We will process orders that are outstanding in the upcoming weeks. I hope to post an update to her website tomorrow, but I am sure that this email will travel across the net even faster, mom was well-connected.

Thanks for all your thoughts and warm wishes. We appreciate knowing the breadth of mom’s touch. When we are ready for a party, we will send the word out for locals.

Sincerely,
Melanie

7 things meme

Tagged by gretchin http://www.scarletstarstudios.com/blog/archives/2007/06/seven_random_things_no_more_and_no_less.html

1. I haven't posted in this blog for 6 months. How sad am I? I was totally overwhelmed this quarter.

2. Next week I finish my last full year of classes. Forever. Wow. I still have all next year to work on dissertation, but no more "have to" classes.

3. I was born in Fontana, CA and lived there in to my 20's. My son was born at the same hospital I was born at.

4. I was in a computer programming class in junior high, in which we used Tandy computers to program in Basica.

5. I lived in North Carolina for three years, and planned on going to graduate school in South Carolina, but we decided that this was not our fate when Todd got a very expensive speeding ticket on our way to check out the school. I ended up getting my Masters degree in NC instead.

6. In third grade I cried all the way home from school on report card day because I got a C in english, it was completely unjust.

7. In 7th grade I was a peer counselor, but got kicked out of the program for hugging a boy (inappropriate act of affection on campus.) The dean had all the peer counselors kicked out of the program one by one. I hate public school.

tagging... whoever reads this post- anyone not give up on me yet? reply here to let me know! :)

dotty the bunny

I haven't posted in over a month! No art journaling lately, either. Super busy with school and life stuff. Hope everyone out in the blogosphere is well.

Here's a bunny I just made for my niece. Of course, she carries a journal in her purse. :)

refound sculpture

Last weekend I took a class at the Rebuilding Center (http://www.rebuildingcenter.org/). This is a magical place full of nubby bits and rusty treasures. I have wandered the huge warehouse space in the past, dreaming of altars and altered book parts and other things that are good and creative, and have even brought home bags of scrapped odds and ends, but haven't really finished any serious project. So, this class changed that. It was a two-day event guided by Kirby Jones, who runs the Refind Center at the store (http://www.rebuildingcenter.org/refind/.)

The class was mostly women, minus one man who came with coyote skulls to be mounted on the end of flex-light poles (cool!) I made a cabinet-drawer shrine. I rewired a sweet vintage light fixture and mounted it on a drawer, enclosed another box and decorated it with a photo I took, a vintage Christmas ornament. I hand-cut pieces of moulding with a push-saw, and drilled pilot holes in all the right places. I bent metal and finally figured out the pop-rivet gun.



Two women made (very different) sculptural birds, another woman made a cool kinetic mobile from rims and other round parts. One woman began a trellis from spindels. Someone else made a small table. We were very tool-empowered. And had awesome wide open workspace, also a blessing.







some of the other class participants:

on being fragile

The tendency that causes me the most self consciousness is my fragileness, the way that I crack like an egg, sometimes at the slightest thing. The consequences of that fragileness lead to self-doubt, lead others to minimize my tears because they come like a faucet, lead me to this place of constant searching for the reason behind all the swelling that seems to linger right below the surface. It started so long ago, and I assume a genitic link, but prozac doesn't turn the nozzle off. It's a crazy thing that very rarely effects me in my work, but in personal situations I could not stop it if I tried. It used to be worse... I would choke and the tears would well in my throat, I would internally combust and feel it in my bones. Now it rushes to my eyes, to my trembling chin, and I work so hard to find words to explain the thing that I don't know the cause for, sometimes I kick myself later for guessing out loud, trying to explain myself to another person, only to realize later that the thing I said wasn't the real root of it at all but now they are left with the words I gave through tears.

I gave the process of psychotherapy my heart for over a year and had a good therapist, but that, did not lighten my path. Sometimes I feel very alone in my own head. Sometimes lI feel ike I am running full speed toward the light and never getting there, but still running, stumbling in the dark without benefit of knowing my surroundings. Then I wonder if I will ever know myself. And I am sad that the people who know me only know this darkness, because it's all I can offer.

(I made the "I am scared" page a few years ago when I was still covering up my words. Now I mostly share my words, hoping that it will open a door for me... or for someone else.)

Internal dialogues

I'm back after a break, company in town. The good news is I have been art journaling again! That means new pictures.

This page isn't quite done, I'll go back tomorrow and add some more texture/highlight color in certain places. I have been rambling on a theme about truth (and truthiness- for fellow Colbert fans). This page is about lies, the self-destructive kind that freeze me and prepave my course on certain paths. Like the way that I always cry when confronted with having to speak my mind/heart to people in authority. This is never about the situation, it's about the lie I tell myself about what people expect of me, how they are going to receive me, and my worthiness. Pop-psych talks about the internal tapes we play. The voices are so plastered that I don't even hear them, but I act subliminally on their messages.

Part of getting right for me- getting closer to the truth- is to identify and reject these internal messages. In this page, I listed some of these messages and their related truths.

Lie: I have to show I am smart and know what everyone in the room is talking about and answer questions intelligently or people will assume I am stupid and not like me.

(I started this page at gl's house, we had a nice few hours in her cozy art studio, I love to be creative when there is other creative spirit dancing in the room.)

Truth: Nobody knows everything, it's good to ask questions, people don't expect me to have all the answers, and the cool people I hang out with would not reject me for not knowing. I offer friends trust by not feeding this lie and by being myself.

(the garden gnome promises to help me crush my internal liar.)

(took this photo from strange angle to avoid glare on the glossy face- sorry for distortion.)

After writing this phrase, I journaled and processed it and then went to bed and woke up and journaled some more. The idea of truth invokes many emotions for me. On the surface, I first considered the idea that I want to know the truth and be told the truth. But, more deeply, I know that I want to also uncover my own truth, and this is probably more important than hearing the truth from others. I thought about subjective truth, and the kindness of trusting our subjective truths with others, and especially trying to understand our truths from the eyes of others. And then I really considered the intertwined and overlapping concepts of truth and trust. Self-trust as well as trust for others. Isn't it amazing what delicate machines we are and how durable we are all at the same time? Sometimes when I really try to wrap my head around it I wonder why we all don't just shatter into pieces. And then, the more I think about it, I realize how shattered many of us are, in the smallest and most fragile of places within our hearts. Truth (and lack thereof) has really confused me in my life. Everyone I love has hid big truths from me in order to protect me, and I recognize the loving intentions behind this. But I also struggle with this betrayal. Some people have hid truths from me to protect themselves. Most people don't know how beautiful the truth can be. Or maybe this perspective is only my truth.(if you are reading this as a syndicated feed from livejournal, can you please add a comment so I can see if I can read my syndicated comments there? Thanks.)

SCRAPtastic

There's this awesome store in town called SCRAP (www.scrapaction.org). They sell recycled business stuff cheap. Tazo tea donates lots to them. The thing on the left is a (painted) little tazo tea folder thingie. The jesus tape came from a store out on NW 23rd. I <3 Jesus Tape.

These pages are mostly heat transfers again.

The word "would" has a gut impact for me. I 'would' do this if I were confident enough/thin enough/had enough money. He would be better to me if he didn't have such a messed up history. I would like to be so much more. Nasty self-talk.

When I write in my journal, I do a little here and there and turn the book sideways and write a little more. It's about process, not anyone ever being able to read the content. When I share my journals I usually invite readers to read for content. Because I want the glimpses of my life to resonate in others... for their feelings of normality and mine, I'm sure! But in my heart I know that nobody will be able to read my thoughts straight through, hardly ever, because of the mish-mash of the words. I find some comfort in this.

When I first started art journaling, I would write all my words and glue the pages together, or paint over the words, or cut the paper into lots of pieces and then glue the pieces randomly back in to my book. Maybe I've processed through the harder stuff, or maybe I am less afraid of my words now. I even hope that readers see some of the words and carry them, weave affirmations into their stories, and feel better about writing down their truths.

I really love image transfers, and that's what I used on the right page- these were images scanned and printed on my laser printer, and then burned on to the page with a bunny burner. For a whole month I was totally hooked on this tool, especially because it also tranfers color photos. And then the love faded. It's very stubborn with very detailed images. It works better on laser copies than photocopies, but does so-so with toner.

The letters are rub-ons, which I also like, especially in those flippy little packs. I find rubbing letters very meditative, and it's a good process tool.

Every once in a while I turn to gloss craft paints and it makes me happy. Sometimes I hate it. It is a good background for opaque white pens. And speaking of these, it's hell to find a good one. Pentouch has my vote for opaqueness and thin line quality.

My watercolor backgrounds are done with Peerless Watercolors, which continue to have my heart. I tried Dr PhM for a while, which come out blotchy when I try to use them straight from the bottle and they stain my hands. Although their colors are pretty, Peerless still wins for ease of application, portability, and happy watercoloring for my journals. It's really easy to play with intensity depending on how wet you get the sheets, and they last a long time.

This Frida page is more recent- made from a stencil I designed and cut. These pages are mostly playing with techniques, sewing, lots of odds and ends I picked up at SCRAP. (I have $5 SCRAP gift certificate burning a hole in my pocket.)

recent journal page

This is my most recent journal spread. Most of those I have been posting have been done over the last two years. My journal was my therapy in very important ways when going through really rough times, and it's reflected in some of the pages. I don't mind people reading them because I have this philosophy about art journaling as a way to share truths... humans experience pain, and it's silly to always only show the happy. I think we understand each other better and are in a better place to help each other down the path when we share our truths. Of course, balance is helpful. But I'll never go out of my way to save journaling for happy days. That seems dishonest to me. So I guess I have journal bias; I think that art journaling is the most beautiful when the truth is evident, whether it's happy truth or sad truth. I

commented recently to another blogger about how beautiful I found her recent art journal work. I think she was suprised, in that the work was full of her hurt and pain, and she wanted to make sure I know that. I wanted her to know that I celebrated in her beautiful human truth. It takes the good and bad to make us who we are.

All that said, my most recent pages are a little brighter, a little lighter. What a relief to have these happy truths to share.

xxoo,
melanie

Soul Collage

Today I took a class from Suzie Wolfer, LCSW, based upon the methods outlined in the book SoulCollage. I have seen/leafed through the book before, but never paid much mind to it. It reminds me, in theory, of the personal tarot cards that some people put together. In practice, the collage-making was a little more introspective and linked to journaling. You know that art journaling is my thing, and I found a lot of pleasant connections in this collage/journaling technique. The methods used in "reading" the soul collage cards really seemed to cut right to the heart, which supported the utility of this as a therapeutic art-making tool.

The class was a fairly large group (15 women) but the facilitation was conductive to a group this size, and everything went very smoothly. Suzie uses the Soul Collage in her individual therapy practice and in organizations in the local community. She's teaching (an unrelated class) at Art & Soul here in Portland, but teaches the Soul Collage workshops frequently at First Impression Rubber Stamp store also here in town. She's intuitive and comfortable/comforting, but doesn't over-therapeutize the class- a great blend of support and guidance for this kind of atmosphere.

I am pretty jazzed about this offering because it is closely aligned with what I want to bring to the community (world!) as a tool for healing and growth. It was also wonderful to connect with other women who are exploring their places in this world, have similar struggles, are explorers for truth and identity. I would absolutely recommend this course and instructor to anyone who has the opportunity to join in one of the workshops. Handouts were professional and useful, and the class time was very well structured and organized. (Suzie mentioned that she is setting up regular gatherings to explore Soul Collage in her SE Portland office, sounds like a great opportunity.)

Here is one of the cards I did in class, and the (loosely) guided writing assignment that went along with it. I dictated as a partner recorded the following:

"The Searcher"

I am the One who is seeking out my journey. I am the One who is curious about my past, going back centuries, and carries that history with me. I am the One who looks on the horizon and sees no boundaries; everything is still open to me. I am the One who has much left to learn. I can approach my future calmly; there is no rush. I am the One who has much to learn from children, and who wants to stay connected to my son. I am the One who wants to look at things without assigning expectations and making assumptions about how they should turn out. I am the One who is open to opportunities. I am the One who looks outside expected, and considers what appears beyond assigned boundaries.

Does a good art class make you want to do your thing or their thing?

I did this spread in a class with Juliana Coles (www.meandpete.com). I adore her passion. I am in lust with her supersized art journals. I love that she breathes art journaling as freedom/ugly/true/art with "art" in the formal sense of the word as kind of the least important of the goals.

So, I did this spread in the second class I took with her. The first time I took her class, it triggered me in such a way that I had to get up leaving, in tears. I am not sure that I feel like a class of that size (20ish people) in a hotel conference room is the best place for this kind of intensity to be explored. I let myself go there, and I tear easy enough. But it took away a little from my experience and ability to make art at the art convention, and I think I wish it might have been different.

But I went back for more, because despite the tears, I enjoy Julianna and I enjoy art journaling. The second class I took was at A Little Bazaar, and was thematic and not quite as intensive. Her classes are pretty structured/coached, and this part isn't my style. I think they are meant to tap in to something, especially the "fast" sessions in which students pass/add things quickly to the paper. The work I've done in these classes has been the least favorite of all my art journal pages, and I haven't used much of the technique gained in her class again. Most of my positive experiences from her classes comes from sharing art journaling as a group, seeing her journals, and seeing journals of other class members.

So this spread, above, is actually one I did between "assignments" in JC's class. The actual work I did in her class I've painted back over, for the most part, because I haven't been thrilled with it- mostly because it felt forced versus my authentic voice. In the spread above, I photocopied various things, such as my hand, to which I applied real nail polish. Got to be girly sometimes, huh?

my art therapy

I have a bad habit (according to my husband, who sees me trying to be nonchalant as I dip these things into my purse) of collecting doilies off restaurant tables...

The halos behind the heads of the two pictures on the right (both me as a child) are the doilies from under drinking cups.

On the right, I used a paper lacy one from under the plate as a stencil, and patted paint directly over it.


My car was stolen from last night, and this put me in a grumpy mood.

This watercolor page was one I did over a year ago, also while in a bad mood. Art makes me feel better. I should go take out my art journal now.

more art journals

Here are some works photographed in process...
I usually start out painting my pages (in this case I actually glued down this panel from faux tin-ceiling wallpaper first, and then sewed this key in using sewing machine over a piece of vinyl, then painted the background).



Then I added some text, cut a hole, and sewed window screen behind the window. I used a serger machine on the side of the page to layer the edges of the book, and sewed on a metal tab at the edge to use as a "page turner."

Next, I decided that I wanted eyes to show through the window so I found and enlarged an old picture of me as a child to place carefully behind the window. I built my next set of pages around this picture, mindful of what would show up on the previous page.





I already had my picture laid down, so I painted the background. Some of my sewing from the previous page's design showed through, but I like that... automatic texture for these sets of pages.

I use peerless watercolors for most of my backgrounds because of the vivid, bright, easy-to-control color bleed. I love it when colors bleed in to each other. I use cheap foam brushes for most of my watercolor work (mostly backgrounds.) My mom sells the Peerless Watercolors at her website, www.vickieenkoff.com


I decided to keep this spread simple, and a little raw- it matched my mood. I added some stickers made with dymo labels (I find the process of turning the letter ball and punching each letter to be very therapeutic!) and also added some rubber stamp numbers and journaling. I made use of the box created from sewing on the previous page by making it a container for some text.

4th of July post

The fireworks crackle around me loudly, but the big trees block most of the lights in the sky from view. My 12yo son stays at the computer in protest of the consumerism and wasted money blown up in flames, and my husband would rather watch the fireworks on TV. After shuffling around alone and trying to set my digital to slower speed (don't try to learn to use your camera during the event in which you are attempting to gather pictures!) I settle on hanging out for a short while outside and then settling in with the newsfeed-celebration.

This art journal spread is one of my favorite, white pages painted black with craft paint and then liberally doused with childhood photos plus doors and taped hinges.

My art journaling style has heavy emphasis on the use of words, real journaling stuff. I see art as an extension of expression of the heart, but not the only expression. My art journal is a safe place to make art without needing to please an audience, worry about judgment. It's very therapeutic for me.

I am a social worker, and am designing a program of therapy that will heavily incorporate the use of art journaling for those who want to explore this medium. I hope to share these skills and philosophies with others in the art and therapy worlds through workshops, websites, and other connections.

new blog

I am (re)joining blogger to share art, connect with other artists, play and inspire. This will be the home (mostly) for art-journal-ish type stuff, mixed media oddness, and other junk as I see fit.